Out of words…..

When you consider yourself to be somewhat of a writer, being “out of words” is definitely not a good thing. But, that’s how I have felt lately. I want to talk, I want to encourage, I want to write, but I’ve come to an impasse, especially in my foster care journey. Honestly, there are times in this process when my heart is so heavy, I can hardly breathe; when I am discouraged and flat; when there is so much static, I can’t seem to hear anything clearly. Now is one of those times.

This is a difficult time for us. E’s situation is hard. Our love for him is beyond comprehension, and yet we are uncertain of what God’s plan for his life is. He is in limbo; our whole family is in limbo. Maybe it’s not that I am out of words, it’s that there are no words.

Published in: on August 17, 2010 at 11:26 pm  Comments (7)  

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7 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Your “no words” in this post have spoken volumes to me. That heaviness, the limbo, the deep love for the little ones….thank you for your heart. That is encouragement enough especially in the midst of the hard places. Thank you for being in the hard place with me through your words. You are so appreciated!

  2. The limbo is a test of faith and obedience. One we struggle with, too. We are first time foster-to-adopt parents having raised “our daughter” from 5 months to now 17 months. We just learned that social services has changed the care plan goal from return home to termination of parental rights. Now we wait for the judge’s decision and possible appeals. We never realized the processed was so long and complicated, nor that we’d be feel sad for the birth parents and their loss. Thank you for venting with us and letting us have a forum to share. I’ve been hooked on your blog since reading your book in our foster care book club. Keep the fight going — THEY are worth it!

  3. I’m so sorry you are having this tough time. But I am even more thankful that little E has YOU to get him through it – whether he ends up staying with you or moving on, the love you are lavishing on him right now is speaking volumes to his little heart. Lifting you up in prayer right now.

  4. I can’t speak more sound words than everyone else already has. I appreciate your honesty – we are still just waiting for our darn fingerprints to come in so our home can be open… and I’m feeing frustrated over THAT. Knowing that this small step, this insignificant waiting, is nothing compared to the waiting and heartache and frustration that is to come. Without people like you so willing to say IT’S HARD… how would those of us that are new have any idea what to expect? We wouldn’t know what on earth we were getting into.. and we couldn’t put a real ‘yes’ on the table. Knowing what we know, and choosing to still say yes.. that’s a conficence that comes from encouragement from people like you.

  5. there is something very wrong right now. several, maybe more than several of my foster friends have hit a VERY hard spot in fostering and are in the middle of HUGE storms and HUGE decisions. Today everything hit me like a train and I completely broke down.

    I have 2 foster daughters right now and both of their situations are going horribly. Satan is attacking us for trying to STAND for these kids and it is getting scary. These children need to be saved, they need us to stand up in the spiritual battle and no give up.

    The air is THICK right now and we need to realize it is a spiritual battle, not an earthly one.

  6. Thank you so much for sharing your heart. Thank you for not just posting the “good” parts of being a foster parent, but also the gut wrenching parts. I am a first-time foster parent, and going through my first loss of girls that I have loved for 16 long weeks. They are being given to family members who are only minimally better than the ones from which they were removed in the first place, and that just breaks my heart. Honestly, it makes me question the goodness of God.

    I agree with Leah that the battle IS spiritual. And, honestly, it feels like Satan is winning right now. Everyone that should be advocating for the children (CPS, ad litem attorneys, etc.) seem to have just decided that they are not going to “win” anyway, so they are not even bothering to investigate and find the facts needed to FIGHT for these kids. The Christians in our communities MUST get involved in our local governments if anything is ever going to change. But how can we do that?

  7. I agree Rebecca, I am so sorry about your loss. So so sorry.

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