It is amazing what a smile can do! :)

E and I were out shopping today (Imagine that!). I don’t go anywhere without someone commenting on how beautiful he is or how big he is! There are sometimes stares, and some ‘looks’, but for the most part people are drawn in by this precious little angel and wonder what our story is.

Today I was struck by the simplicity of a smile. I was pushing E in a stroller through a department store. As is usually the case, I was talking to him about what we were doing and where we were going next. When I rounded the corner, I locked eyes with an elderly woman who looked at me and down at E-then a beautiful smile came over her face that spoke so loudly she didn’t have to say a word. It said “what a beautiful boy you have there. He is a gift. There is no one like him in the world. I don’t know who you are to him, but I can see that the two of you have an intense bond, you love each other and have a good time together. God bless both of you as you enjoy this beautiful sun-shiny day.”

Okay, so maybe it wasn’t ‘all that’ but it meant all that to me. After years of eyes averted and questions asked, I am always so blessed by someone who doesn’t care about the ‘race issue’ or the ‘adoption issue’ or anything else…. just celebrates the life of an incredible little boy and encourages the heart of his mommy!

Published in: on April 29, 2010 at 8:48 pm  Comments (5)  

A No-Win/No-Win Situation

Foster care is a no-win situation. It just is. Face it- the very DNA of foster care includes loss, grief, despair and a host of other emotions that we don’t like to think about.

E’s hearing today went as well as could be expected. The judge put off the TPR until July, but scheduled it none-the-less. For the foster parent of an abused or neglected child, I guess that should be a victory, but I am always so broken by the thought of any mother losing the right to see her child grow and blossom. The finality of it is so hard for me to assimilate.

That said, I am so thankful that tonight and until July, I am the mother of a precious 17 month old son who has no idea that there are folks arguing over the course of his life. And for that I am so grateful.

Thanks to everyone who prayed for us today. I definitely felt the prayers and have been so blessed by your calls and emails!

Published in: on April 28, 2010 at 9:57 pm  Comments (4)  

Faith Crisis

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I struggle with a crisis of faith. I don’t want to…I really want to trust God and allow His hand to move freely in my life. After all, he is the giver of all good and perfect gifts. His attributes are endless and He promises to be faithful. And yet in my humanness I struggle to believe, to give the burden to Him and leave it there. Oh, I can give it, but hours (or even minutes) later, I pick it up again and try to carry it.

The father of one of Connor’s best friends is suffering with esophageal cancer. As I was praying for him yesterday, I wondered aloud to the Lord if I really believed He could heal him. I know in my head He can, but did I really believe in my heart it was a possibility. Then I was struck by the Scripture that says “I am the Lord thy God, nothing is too difficult for Me”. There you have it…NOTHING is too difficult for the God of the universe. Next, my heart and my prayer turned to my precious son, E….8 days until his court date: 8 days until the course of his life will be charted. Once again, I had to ask myself in a much more personal way…do I have the faith to believe that my Father, E’s Father is able to do what is best for him? Can I wrap my son up in my arms and lay him at the feet of the Savior? Am I willing to let go, so that God can have His way and work all things together for good on E’s behalf?

I want to. I do. On one hand, there is the enemy who knows that fear and anxiety are so much a part of the foster care process…and he is always lurking around whispering the what if’s. On the other hand, there is the power and presence of God and the striking truth that after 16+ years of fostering, He has never let me down. That doesn’t mean that I have always agreed with the way things have turned out, or that I haven’t questioned ‘why’, or that I haven’t whined and moaned when things didn’t go ‘my’ way….but He has been faithful. And I believe, no, I know, He will be faithful again. 🙂

I wanted to include the lyrics to a song by Kutlass- one line always gets me….”You gotta face the clouds, to find the silver lining”. Looking back on my journey I see that E is the silver lining in the ugly storm cloud that loomed over me after B left. What an incredible gift he has been to this mother! I am eternally grateful for his life and am so blessed to be his mom. 🙂

What Faith Can Do

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don’t have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That’s what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

Published in: on April 20, 2010 at 12:42 pm  Comments (10)  

Luau time in Little Rock!

Foster care is such a heavy subject-and with E’s big court date less than 2 weeks away- I decided to talk about something lighter! Only 5 weeks and 2 days until Chase and Holly’s wedding! We are so excited!! They have liked each other since junior high- and now he’s a college grad and she is finishing up college and entering radiology school this summer.

We are having a luau for the rehearsal dinner- so I’m up to my ears in all things Hawaiian. Thought I’d share the invitation with you- it was designed by Kandace Gerber from Save the Date Designs. Kandace designed my book cover as well as the interior of the book. She is just precious- and is so talented. If you need invitations, etc. check out her website at


Published in: on April 15, 2010 at 12:47 pm  Leave a Comment