As we sang this line in a song during worship this morning, I felt myself internalize it down to my very core. We are at a critical time with our precious one; now 6 months old. How all of us love her and cry out to the heavenly Father for her very life and future. It is hard. It is just downright gut-wrenchingly hard. Even after 19 years of loving well and letting go, I find myself at a loss for words when it comes to explaining the complexity of loving a child with your whole self, groaning for what is best for them and then opening your hands and your heart. It defies explanation and as with so many things in life, is almost impossible to understand unless you’ve lived it. But this is not about me and how I feel or what grief I will have to endure- not at all- this is about a precious little girl who through all of the ‘stuff’ that brought her into this world, is a GIFT; unique, priceless, beautifully created to fulfill a divine purpose. She is what this is about. She is why my heart is so heavy tonight.
Our entire family had dinner together tonight. It was loud around our table and laughter rang out until my ears rang. But it was so sweet. The night ended as all 9 of us bowed hands and hearts. I rested my head in my hands as I listened to my children pray for baby C. They talked about her life, her future, her place in our family, their desire for God’s very best for her and their cries for Him to intervene in a supernatural way. They poured out themselves and laid baby C at the Master’s feet as they stood firm on their belief that HE is the only way.
I am so grateful tonight for this precious one, and for my precious ones. And I choose to trust in a heavenly Father who is a father to the fatherless, who does set the lonely in families, and who is able to do “exceeding abundantly above all that I can ask or imagine”.
Praying with you for your precious ones and my precious ones, and praising the Father whom I trust.
Christie – I have walked this incredible tightrope of hope and heart-wrenching agony just as it sounds you are. The circumstances are always varied but a family crying out to God for protection and His best for a little one is the same. in the midst of our heartache, while rocking my precious little one, I would simply extend a hand up reaching towards the heavens, symbolizing that there are no words left to utter…Praying for your family and sweet baby C.
Oh how quickly I can go back to these feelings of helplessness and heart ache as I read these words. Praying with you for the Lord’s perfect answer for this little girl’s life.
I feel that I could have typed these words myself from my heart as we endure the same feelings with our two foster children. Thank you for reminding me why we do this. I know why, but get sidetracked sometimes.