Faith Crisis

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I struggle with a crisis of faith. I don’t want to…I really want to trust God and allow His hand to move freely in my life. After all, he is the giver of all good and perfect gifts. His attributes are endless and He promises to be faithful. And yet in my humanness I struggle to believe, to give the burden to Him and leave it there. Oh, I can give it, but hours (or even minutes) later, I pick it up again and try to carry it.

The father of one of Connor’s best friends is suffering with esophageal cancer. As I was praying for him yesterday, I wondered aloud to the Lord if I really believed He could heal him. I know in my head He can, but did I really believe in my heart it was a possibility. Then I was struck by the Scripture that says “I am the Lord thy God, nothing is too difficult for Me”. There you have it…NOTHING is too difficult for the God of the universe. Next, my heart and my prayer turned to my precious son, E….8 days until his court date: 8 days until the course of his life will be charted. Once again, I had to ask myself in a much more personal way…do I have the faith to believe that my Father, E’s Father is able to do what is best for him? Can I wrap my son up in my arms and lay him at the feet of the Savior? Am I willing to let go, so that God can have His way and work all things together for good on E’s behalf?

I want to. I do. On one hand, there is the enemy who knows that fear and anxiety are so much a part of the foster care process…and he is always lurking around whispering the what if’s. On the other hand, there is the power and presence of God and the striking truth that after 16+ years of fostering, He has never let me down. That doesn’t mean that I have always agreed with the way things have turned out, or that I haven’t questioned ‘why’, or that I haven’t whined and moaned when things didn’t go ‘my’ way….but He has been faithful. And I believe, no, I know, He will be faithful again. :)

I wanted to include the lyrics to a song by Kutlass- one line always gets me….”You gotta face the clouds, to find the silver lining”. Looking back on my journey I see that E is the silver lining in the ugly storm cloud that loomed over me after B left. What an incredible gift he has been to this mother! I am eternally grateful for his life and am so blessed to be his mom. :)

What Faith Can Do

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds

http://www.elyricsworld.com/what_faith_can_do_lyrics_kutless.html

You don’t have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That’s what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

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Published in: on April 20, 2010 at 12:42 pm  Comments (10)  

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10 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Oh I have the same struggle! Just beginning our parenting classes with DHS soon and knowing that we’re REALLY doing this – we’re REALLY working on becoming foster parents – has started seriously testing my faith, and if I really believe that God is going to lead me through what he’s led me to. It’s scary!

    Beautifully written post, and I can very much relate to your feelings.. just not in your same circumstances just yet.

  2. We have court end of May. Goal has changed to adoption, but we may have a fight on our hands. We believe in our hearts this is our daughter. Standing with you in faith sister. God who led me to this will lead me through it! My social worker read your book, loved it and is giving it to her supervisor as an example of what they want to strive toward in foster parents. How cool is that?? She was so impressed. Don’t ever forget that God is using you and your story in big ways(:

    • Thank you so much, Heather, for your wonderful words of encouragement. What a blessing! I pray that the goal in your case will remain adoption and move ahead without the fight!! Love and blessings! :)

  3. Once again your post hits my heart so directly. Thank you for your words of encouragement and truth.

    Know that you, your family, and little E are being prayed for throughout the day. You all are so on my heart and I’m so thankful for your example and friendship.

    • Wow…thank you SO much for your words and your prayers-they mean more than you can know!! :)

  4. Dear Christie,
    After reading your book last month, my heart has been burdened to e-mail you, especially after reading your last chapter. It made me cry for two hours. I was afraid that God was beginning to prepare for a very similar story. And it turns out He may very well be doing just that. I am heartbroken.
    Today I found The Middle Mom on Facebook leading me to this blog. And then I read the first page of posts. Oh! My! It seems we are walking in very similar shoes right now. The biggest difference, however, is that my hubby and I are first time fostering parents.
    Praying for you and for E, Dear One.
    Blessings, Anna

    • Oh Anna…my eyes teared up just reading your comment. I guess you know (since you’ve read the book :) that I totally understand where you are and how difficult and sometimes impossible all of this seems. But I can say that God is faithful and He is able! Please keep me posted on what is going on with you and your family, okay? We can walk through this together. My personal email is jherwin@juno.com-
      Love and blessings friend,
      Christie :)

  5. Christie,

    Just a quick note to let you know I’m praying for you and little E. Keep the faith!

    • Sue- Thanks SO much for remembering and for praying for us! There have already been some changes in what is going on- ie the hearing is no longer a TPR- but a permanency planning hearing. So, anything could happen! I appreciate you SO much!!
      Love and blessings,
      Christie :)

  6. Christie just wanted to let you know we are thinking of you and E. Hope all goes well tomorrow and E will remain where he needs to be with you!


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