Those were the words E’s caseworker said to me last week.
You have got to be kidding me- wait, who am I kidding- things with foster care are always messy. There is nothing easy, convenient or pleasant about the foster care process….except loving the children (and if we are honest, sometimes even THAT is a challenge.)
But, I was hoping in E’s case things would be pretty cut and dry; not easy, but cut and dry. Not so. The case goes back to court for the permanency planning hearing in April- with the intent of termination, but now all of those waters have been muddied. I can’t go into the details- but suffice it to say “it’s about to get ugly”.
My heart is torn between my care and concern for E’s mom and my deep love for my precious little son who has become such a part of me. As I changed his diaper the other day and kissed his chubby little feet, the all too familiar lump rose up in my throat and stayed there until I swallowed hard and told myself I didn’t have to worry about that today. But the day is coming. This child’s future is in the balance. MY child’s future is in the balance and it seems I am powerless to do anything about it.
But I’m not powerless. There is something I can do…I can advocate for him…be a voice because he has none. And most importantly, I can lift him up before a Father who is ‘too wise to be mistaken, too good to be unkind’…..and “when I don’t understand, when I can’t see His plan, when I can’t trace His hand, I CAN trust His heart.”
In all the ugliness of foster care, all the hurt, the pain, the loss, the uncertainty, we can rest in the knowledge that God is bigger than any situation and He will make a way.