“It’s about to get ugly”…….

Those were the words E’s caseworker said to me last week.

You have got to be kidding me- wait, who am I kidding- things with foster care are always messy. There is nothing easy, convenient or pleasant about the foster care process….except loving the children (and if we are honest, sometimes even THAT is a challenge.) :)

But, I was hoping in E’s case things would be pretty cut and dry; not easy, but cut and dry. Not so. The case goes back to court for the permanency planning hearing in April- with the intent of termination, but now all of those waters have been muddied. I can’t go into the details- but suffice it to say “it’s about to get ugly”.

My heart is torn between my care and concern for E’s mom and my deep love for my precious little son who has become such a part of me. As I changed his diaper the other day and kissed his chubby little feet, the all too familiar lump rose up in my throat and stayed there until I swallowed hard and told myself I didn’t have to worry about that today. But the day is coming. This child’s future is in the balance. MY child’s future is in the balance and it seems I am powerless to do anything about it.

But I’m not powerless. There is something I can do…I can advocate for him…be a voice because he has none. And most importantly, I can lift him up before a Father who is ‘too wise to be mistaken, too good to be unkind’…..and “when I don’t understand, when I can’t see His plan, when I can’t trace His hand, I CAN trust His heart.”

In all the ugliness of foster care, all the hurt, the pain, the loss, the uncertainty, we can rest in the knowledge that God is bigger than any situation and He will make a way.

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Published in: on March 25, 2010 at 12:04 am  Comments (10)  

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  1. Praying for you Christie, and for E and for God’s hand to guide those who will make these decisions. We are facing a court date soon and things are so up in the air my head is spinning. But I love this child with my life and each morning I try to just be thankful that for one more day she is here for me to pour that love into.

    • Amen, Heather! Thanks so much for the prayers-what a blessing to have ‘sisters’ who understand this ministry! :)

  2. P.S. One of my local “sisters” who read your book with me is coming over tomorrow as we want to discuss how God can use us in our community to advocate for these precious children. If you think of it pray for our meeting tomorrow – that God would give us a vision and discernment and that we would hear His voice and seek His will and not our own.

    • How exciting! Praying for you as I type that God will give you guys vision and a way to carry out that vision! With the passion you have for the orphan-I know God wants to use you in a mighty way to meet the needs of the kiddos in your area. Let me know if I can do anything to help! :)

  3. Christie,

    Praying for you as you advocate for your little E :). The days ahead may be hard, ugly, and . . . but as you know, our God is bigger than any of the inconvenient, unpleasant and difficult things that are involved with being a foster parent. People have told me they heard “horror stories” about foster care in our county. Then I had a friend remind me God is bigger than any of that. So glad we didn’t listen to the voices around us, but instead chose to be obedient to where God has called us. May God give us the strength and grace we need for each day. Also wanted to let Heather know I’m praying for her. What a wonderful gift it is to be able to come here to encourage and pray for one another :). Have a wonderful day, friends.

    • Thanks so much Sue for your words of encouragement! I am so grateful for your prayers…and agree totally that God is so gracious not only to allow us to care for these precious children, but to give us all we need to get through the tough times! I appreciate you friend! :)

  4. We are working through some hard stuff too with our little guy who we have been fostering for 5 months. It was a cut and dry situation, but just found out that the judge in the case is against adoption….waiting for God in this. Thank you for your scripture and for your heart. Your encouragement is invaluable.

    • Thanks Alicia! Praying for you as I type….I know how difficult the uncertainty is! Just know that there are those of us who understand exactly what you are going through. God bless you guys and your little one! :)

  5. Christie,
    I could feel that same lump rising in my throat as I read this post…Steven and I still pray daily for our first sweetie, Big E as we called him. There is no better earthly parent to advocate for him and his best interests, and our Heavenly Father will always care for His babies.
    Love you girl!

  6. I have no words, but faith that prayers are heard and answered, so I will do just that!


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