Haircuts and Humility

Wow. I have been so bummed since E’s visit yesterday. His birth mom brought a barber to the visit and cut E’s hair…really cut it. What’s the big deal? You’d have to see E to know. His hair was (and I mean WAS:) a big part of his personality- not to mention it looked precious! They spent the entire hour-long visit cutting a screaming childs’ hair.

The caseworker called me last week to see if I had any objections, since I would have to maintain it. I told her I didn’t want to cut it, but I didn’t want to upset mom, so to go ahead. I’m sorry I said that!

That’s my point of view-the foster mom’s point of view. Here’s how I think his birth mom sees it…..it is the only thing she has any control over-she has lost custody of her child, someone else is mothering him, her case is moving towards termination and it is all out of her control. E’s hair, however, is still in her control and she wants to feel like she can still make some decision regarding his life and care. I do understand that. I can’t imagine how it must feel to only see your child one hour a week, to miss every ‘first’ in his life, to have him prefer another mother’s arms to yours. It must be so hard.

When I think about the situation from that perspective my heart softens and I realize it’s only a haircut. (But, before you are too proud of me and my attitude, I have to ‘fess up and say I’m still a little bummed!) :)

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Published in: on March 4, 2010 at 10:20 am  Comments (3)  

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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Oh Christie! I couldn’t help but feel a little giggle, and a tear, over this post!

    Baby E is so your baby, he is right where God wants him…but he will ALWAYS hold such a dear place in my heart as our first “foster”. And I just have to find humor in this being a hair post/issue, since thats well, the “issue” that got him moved to you, I just find humor in all of this!

    And thank God for heloing me find my humor to recognize, because I can still feel that accute pain and hurt, and fear, that I had failed Baby E, and that he might not be safe now, because of a studpid decision I had made…lol, if only I had known where he was going from the beginning!

  2. You are so right. She still wants to be his mother and that’s the only way she can do it right now. Hair is such a big deal. To us white people too….I’m learning I feel great pride when I do my daughter’s hair well.

  3. Hair is precious and I know that for my kids, it’s a HUGE part of who they are to me… it’s them! I can really understand why she wants to be in charge of that, and I can really understand why it broke your heart!


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