“Grafted”

Project Zero is moving at full speed. I have to admit that today I was weary. It was just one of those times when the reality of all the things I need to get done weighed really heavy on my shoulders. I am so incredibly excited about all that God is doing and is going to do in and through PZ, but the enemy continues to remind me how inadequate I am. I’m realizing that is a good thing! I am inadequate, but God is more that adequate and is moving in ways I could never have dreamed.

Our album, “Grafted”, is set to be released this spring! Jason Truby is producing it and has gotten some incredible artists on board. (Phil Keaggy, Geoff Moore, Tiffany Thornton, etc) Yesterday we got the opportunity to head to Autumn Road Studios (here in Little Rock) with a group of kids from All Kids Academy to record a section of Jason’s song “A Chance at Life”. It was an amazing time and such a blessing!

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I checked Serenity out of school too!

Mariah, Caryl, Christie and Serenity!

Thank you Jason for the incredible work you are doing!! And thank you All Children’s Academy! Friday, Caryl and I get the opportunity to head to Nashville to sit in on 2 days of recording sessions!!! We are also going to get together with Gwen and Suzanne, founders of 147 Million Orphans.

The words “toddler” and “tombstone” should never be used in the same sentence….

I have had children in my home who have been physically abused. If you are a foster parent you probably have too. I have even adopted one. It is painful. I mean it is actually physically painful for me to think about what kids who are abused have to live through. But some don’t.

If you’ve read “The Middle Mom” you know about Kee Kee (not her real name) and the story that ended her life and radically changed mine. She was just a toddler, and yet her life ended in a tragic, unfathomable way. I never saw her with her eyes open, yet had the incredible honor of being at her bedside for 3 days. I have grieved the loss of this precious child and have, in the depths of my soul, made the decision that her life (and death) will not go unnoticed.

A few months ago, I let folks know that her grave was unmarked. It was devastating to go to the cemetery and not be able to find her grave. It just punctuated the fact that for all practical purposes, she had been forgotten; totally. After people heard that part of the story, they donated money. And two weeks ago, Caryl, Jennifer and I went and picked out her headstone. Hard.

We anticipate it coming in in the next several weeks and are hoping the state will allow us to invite the people who donated to join us at Kee Kee’s grave: to install the headstone, but mainly to remember a little seed that never had the chance to sprout and bloom, a life that is cherished and valued and one that needs to be honored and remembered. A life that was precious to the heavenly Father, in whose arms she now rests. I am grateful for Kee Kee’s life. I am blessed to have ‘known’ her. I am humbled by God using my voice to make sure she is not forgotten. And I pray that I will always, always remember.

It only takes one moment….

…to change your life and the life of a child forever. It’s funny how we have our plans and the blueprint for how we are going to implement those plans. This world has a way of shaping our expectations about what we will do and how and when we will do it.

How beautiful when God interrupts those plans. I’ve had it happen in my life and I’ve experienced it happening in so many other lives; unexpected, powerful, life changing. Adoption at the core is ordained by God. Just as He took a rotten situation (our sin) and drew us to Himself-sacrificing everything to bring us into His family through spiritual adoption, we get the incredible gift of taking precious kids from rotten situations and drawing them into our families.

This afternoon we had a Heart Gallery photo shoot. Wow. These days are always bittersweet for me. There is an incredible sense of excitement as I anticipate the family that God will provide for the kids we are photographing; and yet, there is a tangible sorrow when I think about what these kids have lost. Today was no exception. I picked up a little 6 year old boy and a sibling group of two: a girl 4 and a boy 3. They were all beautiful kids and just absolutely delightful. The 6 year old made me laugh out loud as he talked and sang from the backseat. He sang bits and pieces of everything from The Black-Eyed Peas to praise and worship music. He discussed getting ‘whooped’ with a belt or a paddle with pins in it and then asked me “who made belts and paddles?” He answered himself before I could get a word in, “God did; God made everything, but God is love so why did God make belts and paddles?” I told him that God allowed men to make belts to keep their pants up! (How original!) but that it was men that used them for other things. He assured me that no one was ‘whooping’ him. (at least not now, I thought)

The other two were less precocious, but just as precious! Intermingled with Mr. Personality’s one man show was their discussion about what their favorite cartoons were; Dora, Elmo, Mickey Mouse-and they were undeterred by Mr. P’s pronouncement that those were shows for ‘babies’! He even informed me that I must be a baby since I liked those shows!

But when we got to the studio, this little 6 year old took the wet wipe I had in my hand and gently wiped the face of the beautiful 4 year old girl he had just met. That spoke volumes about him and what he had been through in his short life; he was already a survivor, already a caretaker, already an independent little guy that had probably had to fin for himself and yet he was a servant who wanted to make someone else’s life a little easier- even if it was just to give them a clean face before they had their photograph taken.

I was moved by these three, just as I am always moved. And I am praying that God will move mountains if need be to bring them into the family that He has already ordained for them. Their moment is coming, and for these little lives it won’t be a moment too soon.

Adoption-There really is no ‘normal’….

I’ve been struck lately about how the face of adoption has changed over the 18 years that Jeff and I have been fostering. It really is profound. When we began this journey the typical adoptive family was a childless couple who had struggled for years with infertility, or a couple who maybe had a child and then had been unable to conceive again. We had so many incredible times as we laid babies in the arms of these deserving families. And although there were certainly lots of other people in various stages of life who adopted during that time, they were not the norm.

Today, things are different. There really is no norm. Last year when Jeff and I attended an Orphan conference in Austin, we were floored by the fact that we were one of the oldest couples there. Bummer. But not really. It seems like today so many couples feel the call to adopt early in their marriage; even before they have tried to have biological children. I have had the honor of being involved with 2 of these couples over the past year; couples that God has called out to adopt when the world says they should be having their ‘own’ kids. It has been nothing short of supernatural how God has orchestrated these precious families and adorable kids coming together to form families.

And then there is the opposite of them-couples like us. Couples who God calls to adopt, well…..later. I’m smiling as I type! At 51, we would be a year away from an empty nest had we not adopted. At 51, we look more like Serenity and Edward’s grandparents than parents. At 51, we don’t move as fast or as precisely as we used to. At 51, we should be enjoying the ‘good life’, shouldn’t we?

At 51…we are enjoying the good life. As we load kids into carseats and change diapers when our friends are traveling, we look at each other and count our incredible blessings. Although there are times, honestly, we would enjoy some freedom, we stand in awe of the fact that God would entrust us to be part of a story bigger than ourselves or our age.

My prayer for all of us and for Project Zero as we kick it off, is that the Christian community, all of it, would be open to God’s plan for children in foster care awaiting adoption. That we would finally give up the excuses that stand in the way of permanence for these children who deserve a family. We can be a conduit for change. We can make a difference. Sure we are ill equipped, inexperienced, and unqualified, but we serve a God who is all powerful and who can do some amazing things through frail people if we are just willing.

There are 110,000 kids in the United States who wonder if a family will even be part of their story; 500 of those are right here in my state. I’m praying for a miracle, for lots more stories like the ones I’ve experienced this year. God is able and I just want to be willing.

Won’t my biological kids be effected by foster care, two.

I am grateful for the three of you who commented on how you felt about your parents fostering as you were growing up. I also hurt for you-at the negative impact fostering had on your lives and I can only imagine the confusion and hurt it has caused. It really has opened my eyes to another view of this important ministry and the fact that the experience my kids have had (fostering mostly younger kids- other than one 11 year old) is not necessarily the norm. I want to go a little deeper with you guys if you don’t mind-just so I (and other foster parents) will have a reference point for your point of view.

1. What specifically caused you to have a negative experience with your family fostering?
2. What (if anything) could your parents have done differently that would have made the experience more positive or different?
3. Did your parents include you in the decision making and discussions about the children you took into your home or would take? And did your parents listen if you had a concern, complaint or fear?
4. Did you feel a bias against you and towards the foster kids?
5. Did you feel neglected?
6. Why did your parents choose to foster? (a calling, social need, money?)

I want to hear from you! I think it is important for those of us who are fostering to hear from you! If you don’t feel comfortable posting here, would you email me at themiddlemom@gmail.com- you don’t even have to put your name and I’ll consolidate the answers and put them here. My heart goes out to you guys, and I am so sorry for the disruption you have had in your lives as a result of foster care. May God bless you, encourage you and guide you in all that you do.

Cameron Edward Erwin :)

Okay, bear with me! Not many mommas can’t show pictures of their kids for over two and a half years…so here are a few just to make up for lost time!

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Thanks for indulging this proud Momma! And thanks friends for your prayers for our family and our precious son!!

And then there were 6!

On June 5,2009 I picked up this precious little bundle from the DHS office….

and today….he became our son!

“Now to Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we can ask or imagine”….Ephesians 3:20 We are beyond excited and so blessed!! Thank you friends, for your prayers!!!

I’m Russ’s Son……

Every Christmas Eve since I can remember, my mom’s side of the family- The Sullivan clan-has gathered together to celebrate the birth of the Savior. It is a tradition with deep abiding roots, steeped in love, passion, and commitment from the very heart of my late grandparents: Joe and Clara Sullivan. My mom is one of 9 kids; I’m one of 20 grandkids and yet my ‘Mema’ and I were very, very close until her death in 1994. She was not a woman of great wealth by the world’s standards, but she was incredibly rich. And we as her family are incredibly rich. That said, in her will, she asked that our family continue the time honored tradition of meeting together on Christmas Eve. So, of course, we have.

After Mema’s death, my cousin Russ took over her gift giving. Every year, he has provided gifts for all the children in our family. Russ himself is a gift. He is a year younger than I am, has an accounting degree, a law degree and holds the prestigious job of staff director for the Senate Finance Committee in Washington, D.C. But more than his degrees and titles and prestige, Russ is a servant and the people he serves are teenagers in foster care. For years, he has mentored, fostered, adopted, provided for and educated boys who have no one else. And for years, he has done so with humility and grace.

Every year, Russ loads two white rented vans with young men. They drive non-stop from Washington DC to Little Rock to attend the Sullivan family Christmas Eve festivities and to spend Christmas with Russ’ family. This year 19 young men came. One of my uncles asked the 95 of us, (yes 95!) , who were there to introduce ourselves and tell who we ‘belonged’ to. One by one from different parts of the room and at different times these young men introduced themselves; each one gave their name, some interesting fact about themselves like “I’m the one with the best hair”, or “I’m the smartest, or most handsome, or funniest”, but at the end of the monologue they each ended with this little phrase that rocked my world….”and I’m Russ’s Son”.

There it is. That’s what makes Russ rich. He selflessly gives himself away to those who are vulnerable, hurting and hopeless unless he steps in. And following in the Sullivan family tradition, what an incredible heritage to be ‘Russ’s Son’!

Christmas gifts for foster kids are really a gift to me!

For the past several years our church has taken one of our county’s DHS offices and provided Christmas gifts for the foster children they serve. It has been a privilege. Every year, on the Sunday after Thanksgiving, I set up a little tree, decorated with the names/ages of each child on a colorful ornament, in the commons of our church.

I am always amazed at the heart of my church family. One mom calls me every year before black Friday to get ‘her name’ so she can shop. Another man quietly steps up to sign up to buy a gift card for a caseworker. Still others line up as they wait for me to give out lists and instructions. Year after year after year. It is beyond heartwarming to a woman who is in the throws of foster care every day of the year!

And every year there are stories that bless me in deep, potent ways. This morning a woman touched my arm. She and her husband had taken 2 names off the little tree. She told me last week that she was concerned that the little boy they had chosen wanted a bicycle and she could not find one within her price range. I told her not to worry- to just go ahead and get some of the other things on his list. This morning, she had another story to tell! She had waited and waited and checked several stores repeatedly because she wanted a bike for this child. Finally, last night she decided they’d just get a few other things on his list and be done with it. They headed to the store and she asked her husband to check the bikes one more time. When he did, there was one bicycle that was .25 cents less than their limit! So this morning, there sat the bike alongside my little tree….a testimony that God is faithful to those who are willing to step out and care for the least of these.

Another situation highlighted my faith-less-ness! One of our couples had taken the name of an older teen. As I handed them the list, I marked through ‘laptop’ because there were other expensive things on the list. I made a comment that we don’t usually put laptops on the lists. Oh ye of little faith. This morning they placed their packages under the tree. She leaned over and said ‘I know you marked through the laptop last week, but an interesting thing happened. My pilates instructor mentioned to me that she’d gotten a new computer and had a perfectly good old one. I told her about our ‘girl’ and she gave the old laptop to me. I took it to the MAC store- they checked it over, cleaned it, loaded all the stuff on it- and there it is!” Like I said, oh ye, (uh, me) of little faith.

Still another young woman brought me an envelope with $27. in it. She said she had found it while cleaning yesterday and the Lord made it clear to her that she was to give it to me this morning! Wow.

Foster children are valuable to the Father. They are important and deserve the best. I am so grateful that there are so many people who not only believe that truth, but embrace it will great passion and enthusiasm! Thank you Summit Church family-I couldn’t be more grateful.

Affirmed.

Affirmed. I would have never thought one rather harsh sounding word could bring so much rejoicing! Finally, today after months of waiting, we heard the words we have been waiting to hear, the appeal in E’s case had been affirmed. Over, done with, finished-all that’s left is to finalize our son’s adoption. Wow. I am beyond grateful, I’m almost giddy. As I looked into his little face tonight, I saw his future and it looks bright. I am blessed beyond measure to be the mother of this little guy- and cannot wait until it’s finally official and I can plaster his name and face all over the place!!
Thank you for your prayers! Keep praying that we can squeeze into court before the end of the year!