In a day when the media makes heroes out of every reality show nut and puts professional athletes and musicians on a pedestal, my heroes look a little different. I have been struck this week by the lives of friends who are parenting children that by the world’s standards have ‘issues’. The week began with me seeing old friend whose son has autism. I watched her deal with him so gently, as I have for years. Later I got the opportunity to talk to her, to encourage her and tell her that no one really understands what her life is like 24/7. She agreed.
Then I got a call from the adoptive parent of one of our former foster sons. She was so down; so discouraged. She was with him at the psychiatrist office and looking a bi-polar diagnosis straight in the eye. I could feel her desperation through the phone.
And then, there is my new friend, Kari, that I met in DC this summer. She is an amazing woman- so real, so engaging. She and her husband have 6 children; her two children that are adopted have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. I never realized what an incredible challenge FAS presents-until I met Kari and have kept up with her through her blog. She amazes me with her humor, honesty and perseverance.
On the home front, we’ve had a very difficult few weeks with Serenity’s ADHD. Her current med is no longer effective, she continues to stay up until all hours, and has now added some defiant behavior along with it. We head to the doctor on Wed. for a re-eval and definitely a med change. All that said….it is really hard to not point a finger at birth mothers who choose a path that puts their children at risk, and causes so many challenges for years to come. It is also difficult to take, because so many of them continue to have children?! It breaks my heart-but also makes me angry.
So tonight I say to all of the above mentioned women and so many more who have chosen to give up their own desires and dreams in order to mother their precious children (in spite of the obstacles)- YOU ARE MY HEROES. I pray that God will bless you beyond measure and that others will see His hand in your life and be inspired to be more like you! 
Heroes
Loss….
Loss is a word that we don’t really like to talk about. I know I don’t. I would rather things be happy,exciting and full of fun. But that’s not life is it? Sure there are lots of happy, exciting and fun times, but there are the times that are the total antithesis. Today marks the anniversary of one of the toughest days of my life. One year ago today, our precious ‘Baby B’ left us totally unexpectedly to go live with a family member. If you have read the book, you know what a gut-wrenching, heart-ripping time that was.
I have been dreading today. Anniversaries are great….anniversaries of loss are, well, NOT.
But, much to my surprise, today was not a bad day. It was not a day filled with tears and longing. Actually, my first thought today was “boy am I glad it isn’t this time last year’. My heart is healing and for that I am so grateful. Lord knows, on this day a year ago, I didn’t think that was possible. I questioned everything I knew to be true about about foster care and adoption….and wondered aloud if the system EVER really worked. Today, I know both intellectually and in my heart that God has a plan for B- and that for reasons unknown to us, we were just in the plan for the short term. And, I am able to praise God for the opportunity I had to be her Mom; if only for 15 months.
Fostering compassion…..
We’ve realized something over the past few days: E does NOT like to travel. Our trip over to Tulsa wasn’t too bad because is was early on Thanksgiving morning- so the three kids in my car (Connor Cara and E) were sleeping most of the time. The trip back yesterday…..well, not so much. E fussed and cried: nothing and no one could make him happy. Connor was in the back and believe me, he tried everything.
As I watched in the rear view mirror, my heart overflowed. Connor offered to feed E his cereal-started feeding him and then said “oops”, bowed his head and prayed with E before continuing.
Foster care is in Connor’s heart. We began this journey 2 years before he was born. Having babies around is all he knows. While some kids would be resentful, the Lord has given Connor a heart for the orphan. He understands the need. He is passionate. When Jeff mentioned to him that if we got the opportunity to adopt baby B, we would probably stop fostering, at least for awhile. He said “Dad, we can’t do that, it’s my life”.
Now before you get the idea that my ‘little’ Connor is perfect, he’s not…he has his moments and gets tired of the crying and dirty diapers just like the rest of us, but he is committed.
I have people ask me all the time if it is a good idea to foster when your kids are young. Other people tell me they are going to wait to foster until their kids are older. I can tell you from our experience that it changes who your children are and who they will become. Our kids were 6, 3, and 2 when we began fostering. All of our children love little ones and are sold-out to this process. They get tired of babysitting and getting spit up on, but they know that God has called our family to a ministry that is difficult and they are willing to jump in and be part of this team. I am so grateful for their love and support…and just had to say it!
Thanks Chase, Caleb, Cara, Connor and Serenity. I love you. I am so thankful for you and I am so blessed to be your Mom!
Thankful
I got in bed last night and wished I hadn’t posted yesterday’s little pity party! Today I woke up with part of the stomach virus-Yucky….but am feeling much better tonight. PTL! Just praying that is stops with Connor and me!
I can’t believe it is Thanksgiving time already, can you? I’ve been thinking that we ought to be ‘thanks-living’ every day grateful for the blessings we have; large and small. What a great God we serve; a God who is big enough for anything and everything we need! What a great country we live in-even with all it’s faults. Family, food, health, friends, clean sheets, a refrigerator, the ability to wash clothes any time we want to, heat/air, and the list goes on and on and on. It is amazing how many things you can think of when you stop to ‘count your blessings’. I am so grateful for all God has given me, and the people to share it with. Love and blessings for a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Crashing and burning, (well, not really burning, just crashing!)
Okay, so I don’t know about you, but I don’t enjoy running into people that are constantly tired, stressed and “put-upon” and who don’t mind telling you all about it….every time you see them. It’s not that I don’t want people to be honest and share how they feel, but every now and again you’d love to hear them say ‘I’m stressed but blessed’ or something campy!
That said, this past week, I’ve felt myself wanting to be that person! So, since none of you can call me on it right now, give me my little pity party will you? Last week began with my speaking at a CALL informational meeting on Monday night (www.thecallinarkansas.org)- I then went home to finish packing for my trip to Dallas, got Serenity’s clothes ready for Daddy, packed E for his trip to our precious new foster parent friends the James’ family, made sure the calendar was set for Connor’s basketball tourney and all the places Jeff needed to get kids while I was gone. Tues. am I dropped E off at the James’ and met Caryl at my house-left for Irving…arrived at our hotel, changed, dinner with our incredible new friend and head of Tapestry ministries, Amy Monroe-then off to the Tapestry book club to discuss my book. Wed. am- got ready, checked out of the hotel and after a GPS guide to Sonic, met the Baker’s (Mark and Melissa) for lunch to discuss their new orphan ministry and our topics for the night’s meeting- checked into our hotel- studied, prayed, changed again and headed to First Baptist McKinney for a great night meeting with folks passionate about foster care and adoption. Thursday am checked out- headed home…no, not really, headed to the MALL after all we were in Dallas! We had a great day of shopping- and just having some down time. Although we had good intentions of leaving early, we didn’t get home until about 10. It was a relaxing day, but short lived when I realized what my Friday looked like!
Friday, I got up early-got Serenity and Connor off to school- had to move the Heart Gallery out of our church where it was set up, rush to the store to buy supplies to make turkey and cheese roll-ups with ranch for Serenity’s Thanksgiving feast- headed to the feast at 11:00, left at 12:00, ran to the Courthouse to drop of 5 Heart Gallery pics and easels for the National Adoption Day Press Conference, rushed to the DHS office to drop E for his visit with his birth mom and then back to the courthouse just in time for the press conference and then back to get E! Picked up E’s birthday cake, and headed home to get Serenity ready for a bday party, called a friend to pick her up so that I could make Connor’s 5:00 basketball game. Cara came in from college and I realized that her twin friends since kindergarten (Karah and Alyssa) were in town for the weekend. Thank goodness they are like my daughters or I would have been mortified by the way my house looked! Whew…then Saturday. Got up early, got everyone ready and headed to the church for E’s bday party- finished the party and headed to move the Heart Gallery to the next church it was going to. Ran home, studied my speech, changed clothes and headed to the Clinton Library early to set up our 10 Heart Gallery pics for the State Heart Gallery event that night. I sat with our county’s adoption unit, gave my speech, loaded up the 10 pics and headed home. Yesterday E was sick so we stayed home from church, and had our small group last night at the church instead of our house so that we could get the little Foster Care Christmas tree ready for our ‘adopt a child for Christmas’ push next Sunday. Got home, took a breath and headed to bed- at 4:00 am Connor woke up with a vicious stomach virus, Bless his heart- which continued for several hours.
Okay, okay, enough is enough. Here’s the deal…I AM BLESSED. I am SO blessed. It is so good to know that in the midst of all of our busi-ness God is here, and He can carry us when we can’t carry ourselves. I am so grateful for the opportunities He has given and continues to give me, and I pray that my own HUMANNESS won’t get in the way of HIS grace and mercy shining through me every day.
Celebratin’ at Beautiful Bouncing Baby Boy :) Happy Birthday E!
Today was an unbelievably special day around the Erwin house. It was E’s first birthday! Since Chase (our 22 yr. old) was a little boy I have always put a poster on the front door every time one of our kids has a birthday-it says the SAME thing every year and for every child like today the poster said “E is 1 Today!” It’s just one way to make them feel special on their special day. E had a Curious George party (I’m hoping Chase can help me put a pic of the cake on the blog)- that was so special because so many of our new foster parent friends came and brought their kids. E couldn’t believe he was actually going to get to eat that huge piece of cake!!! But then he meticulously proceeded to pinch tiny bites and wolf them down. He was precious! The party was fantastic, but there was something even better….E’s life. Now THAT is something to celebrate. The situation that brought him into care could have had devastating results, but the heavenly father had E in the palm of His hand. For that I am so grateful. He is a chunky boy, one that AA women call “Juicy”, his smile will melt your heart in a moment and when he snuggles up with his soft teddy, you feel like your watching a Hallmark commercial. He is a gift-and I am blessed beyond measure to be his Mom for a time. I love you baby boy!
Back from the BIG “D”
Well, Caryl and I arrived back home last night about 10. We had planned on getting home much earlier-but, well, the malls….. The trip was such a blessing- although the enemy had his share of infiltration! We were so blessed to get to meet friends in two new cities that share our heart. That always amazes me.
The first night we met Amy and Micheal Monroe-founders of Tapestry ministries at Irving Bible Church in Irving Texas. We had a great dinner with Amy and her mom and then were off to the book club event. It was an intimate group (because for some reason Amy’s big email didn’t go out!) but it was a group of women who had all adopted, so we had a lot in common. Amy was such a gracious host! We hope it will be the first of many times we get together.
Wednesday morning we headed to McKinney to meet our new BFF in person- Melissa Baker and her husband Mark. They are so passionate about the orphan and are in the throws of beginning an orphan ministry at their church: First Baptist Church McKinney. They have three bio boys and 2 foster babies right now. We had a wonderful lunch with the Baker’s at a fantastic restaurant called Rick’s on the refurbished square in downtown McKinney. Then we checked into our beautiful hotel room- on the same square. It was perfect. We spent our afternoon studying and praying about our testimonies for that night-and then headed to church. We had another small group- but a passionate group that seemed to be encouraged, and definitely encouraged me. One funny thing that happened was what the Baker’s 7 year old son Thaddeus said when he met me: “I’ve never met anyone famous before!” Wow- did I feel special! I guess what I should have said was “you still haven’t!”, but it was just too precious.
Caryl and I enjoyed getting away for some girl time- and certainly enjoyed sharing our hearts about foster care and adoption and the children that we are SO passionate about. Thanks so much to the Monroe’s and the Baker’s for making us feel like queens for two days. Now we are back to the servant’s quarters….how sweet it is!
The Middle Mom goes to Dallas
I’m heading to Texas this morning with my BFF Caryl I am speaking tonight at Tapestry Ministries at Irving Bible Church- and we are both speaking tomorrow night at First Baptist Church, McKinney. We covet your prayers as we are both weary with all the things going on at home- but so want the Lord to use these two housewives from LR to speak HIS truth and HIS plan into the lives of the people who attend these meetings. We are not able, but PTL HE IS!
Oh- and pray for Jeff and David who will be holding down the fort here at home! Thanks guys…..
Deliverance
Today I talked with an old friend who is also an adoptive mom. She and her husband have several adopted children along with their biological child. She shared all of the ’stuff’ they were going through with their adopted children: ’stuff’ that was a result of the terrible abuse the kids had suffered at the hands of their birth parents. I told her I would be praying for them as they contemplate some difficult decisions regarding one of their kids. I cannot get her off of my mind.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about all of the horrific things that kids brought into foster care have to deal with. I think it is because we have so many kids that are just languishing in the system, so many kids in our heart gallery and we just continue to add more and more kids with the same M.O.. Not only do these kids struggle as they are brought into foster care, but years and years and years down the road.
For some of them, there are the devoted adoptive parents who take the brokenness and begin the process of trying to piece a life back together. It is HARD. There is nothing easy about adopting a child with a difficult past.
What these kids need is deliverance: from abuse, neglect, nightmares, mental illness, fear, desperation, want, perpetration, violence, and despair. What their birth parents need is deliverance (and maybe a good shaking).
Deliverance is defined as: *salvation, *liberation, *the act of delivering or the condition of being delivered, *to rescue from bondage or danger. As a child of God, what is my responsibility to these children? What is yours?
We’ve got a story to tell. We’ve got work to do. With God’s empowerment and direction, we’ve got lives to change.
Gotta read blog….
Hi guys,
You have got to read this blog…kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com It is about this amazing young woman- just turned 21- a missionary in Uganda. Wow! I am so humbled by what she is doing. And realize how easy I really have it here. Let me know what you guys think.
